EXPOSURE (GRANDE ARTE) micro review

"I HAVE A HIGH ART, I HURT WITH CRUELTY THOSE WHO WOUND ME"

During the great DVD exodus of the early 2000s, most of us packed our collection of worn out VHS tapes away into the back of the closet and embraced the amazing new advancement in movie watching.  But even with the advent of Bluray, there are still countless films that have never moved past VHS release and have essentially been lost to history.  While some films are deserving of this fate, films like Exposure deserve better.  A European/Brazilian co-production, Exposure was the first film to display knife-based martial arts to western audiences.  That alone earns it some serious cool points.

....And hopefully some better box art....

Peter Mandrake is an American photographer living in Rio De Janeiro photographing the dark, violent side of the city for a quaint coffee table book he's creating.  Peter is a pacifist, but he's clearly developed an alarmingly intense interest in the pain and violence he captures with his camera.  His status as a spectator comes to an abrupt end when he is nearly stabbed to death by two Brazilian thugs who think he stole a very important floppy disk (hey kids, remember those???).  The trendy thing to do at this point is pack up and get the hell out of Rio, but Peter jumps off the sensible bandwagon and dives head first into the violent underworld to deliver some payback.  He seeks out knife fighting master, Hermes, to teach him how to fight fire with fire.

Pictured: FIRE!

Peter Coyote (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial) shows a very Liam Neeson-esque quality in his portrayal Peter Mandrake; he's tall, lanky and mild mannered but with some real darkness buried deep down waiting to be unleashed.  As Hermes, a master persev (perforate and sever), French actor Tcheky Karyo (Goldeneye, Kiss of the Dragon) brings the most subtle kind of intensity you're likely to see; more than any other character in the movie, he truly seems like he could kill you with minimal effort.  These two performers anchor the film while the rest of the cast is rounded out by Brazilian actors who are all competing to see who can chew the most scenery.

This was seriously the 3rd image that came up when i googled "chewing scenery"

There's nothing left to say here....

What's really impressive about this film is it's restraint.  Unlike traditional action flicks, Peter is not an unstoppable killing machine after  five minutes of training montage with Hermes.  Yes, he can protect himself, but he never stops being a bystander in a situation where he's in way over his head; it really ratchets up the tension since Peter could get snuffed out by anybody smart enough to bring a gun to a knife fight.  His transformation from a pacifist to an assertive force of vengeance is the most captivating thing about this film, but anytime the story veers away from that, the film suffers.  The first two acts are mesmerizing but the film does a faceplant in its final act when it shifts its focus to the Brazilian characters' continuing search for the mysterious floppy disk; a plot point that the audience stopped caring about an hour ago.  The irony is, the mcguffin that set such an amazing journey into motion manages to almost kill the momentum right before the grand finale.  Even after Peter's final, bloody knife duel, the film can't seem to recover from its third act blues.

Watch this clip.  If you aren't hooked by the end....  well, this movie isn't for you.

Exposure has a good setup and great execution but can't quite stick the landing.  While it might not be worth it to track down on VHS (because it's available in its entirety on YOUTUBE bootleg) but it's definitely deserving of a remake.  Get rid of the odd Mcguffin subplot and focus on the journey of a man who's been pushed to violence by violence and you might just have a hit.  There are far less deserving films that got a DVD/Bluray release (looking at you Batman & Robin) and even in it's bootleg form, Exposure is a beautiful film deserving of a potential Bluray release; warts and all.

OBLIVION micro review

Get ready sci fi fans, 2013 is gonna be a good year for you.  In the next few months we have Star Trek Into Darkness, Pacific Rim and Elysium to look forward to; but every feast needs a good appetizer.  Tom Cruise and director Joseph Kosinski (Tron Legacy) are here to serve us the blooming onion of sci fi appetizers with Oblivion.

Now where's that damn waiter with our drinks?

It's 2077 and the Earth has been destroyed by a war with an invading alien race; we won the war, but destroyed the planet in the process.  With the exception of technician Jack Harper and his partner/FWB Victoria, all human life has been relocated to Titan (Saturn's moon).  Jack and Victoria spend their days boning, repairing defense drones and making sure the remnants of the invasion force don't screw up plans to convert Earth's ocean water into hydrogen fuel for the colony on Titan.  In good sci fi fasion, the validity of this premise is a little shaky.

Though it does give Cruise a chance to go into his default "saving the world" mode

As is usually the case, Tom Cruise is a monolithic presence here and the rest of the movie just seems to orbit around him.  He delivers the sometimes clunky exposition with conviction, does stunts that most actors even half his age wouldn't consider and generally anchors the movie quite well.  The rest of the cast include great actors playing roles they could do in their sleep.  It's not to say that actors like Morgan Freeman and Andrea Riseborough don't bring it, they just didn't NEED to bring that much of it.

It's ok guys, just hang out.  Tom's got this.....

Most sci fi fans will be a little torn on this one due to its story.  Oblivion plays like a collage of other sci fi films; it cherry picks from films like The Matrix, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Bladerunner and Planet of the Apes without skipping a beat.  Granted, the film weaves these elements together quite well but you'll get a sense of "been there done that" throughout most of the film.  This also leads to the story feeling predictable if you're familiar with the source material.

Who wants to skydive to work?

Where this movie truly excels is the visuals and production design; this movie is GORGEOUS.  The world of the future looks like it was made by Apple; it's sleek and minimalist yet still has a lot of personality and looks shockingly liveable.  The house that Jack and Victoria live in is an amazing, fully automated compound suspended hundreds of feet in the air complete with a glass bottom swimming pool.  The tech in the movie is all very cool from the weapons (flying killer drones that look like Apple products) to vehicles (including the awesome portable dirtbike, also an Apple-like design).  Despite how futuristic it is, it still feels like we could be living with this stuff in the next few decades; a hallmark of GOOD sci fi production design.

Apple you need to get on this IMMEDIATELY!  

And I want it to sync to my ipod damnit!

So here it is sci fi fans, your appetizer before the feast.  Oblivion isn't the best sci fi movie ever (and it's definitely not the most original) but it is a very entertaining palette setter; the fried calamari of sci fi epics if you will.  If you're a hardcore sci fi snob, then don't bother with this derivative flick; your time would be better spent at home, blogging about whether or not Benedict Cumberbatch is or is not actually playing Kahn in the next  Star Trek.  To those people i say "live long and prosper", to the rest of you looking for a fun time, I say enjoy this appetizer (mozzarella sticks!) and prepare yourselves for the nerdy feast to come.

BUTTER micro review

Maybe I'm a jaded moviegoer (or just getting more hardened with age) but I just don't find most comedies these days to be all that funny (though maybe the films themselves are just garbage).  So far this year, the majority of comedies have been little more than an amusing diversion with no REAL laughs.  It's a similar concern I've had with the horror genre of late; those movies really don't SCARE me like I wish they would.  Thankfully, the comedy part of my brain got a big reprieve thanks to a deranged little film about the cutthroat world of BUTTER SCULPTING.....  Seriously, stay with me on this one.

Butter sculpting CAN be sexy if you do it right.....

Butter is the story of an epic butter sculpting clash between lunatic trophy wife Laura Pickler (a terrifying hybrid of Jackie Kennedy and Sarah Palin played by Jennifer Garner), and Destiny, an artistically gifted 10 year old foster child.  This battle somehow manages to turn an entire town upside down and drags the motliest of crews onto the battlefield:  Pickler's spineless husband (Ty Burrell), a vengeful stripper (Olivia Wilde), Destiny's new foster parents (Rob Corddry and Alicia Silverstone), and a dimwitted car dealership owner/Laura's old high school sweetheart (Hugh Jackman).  This movie foregoes the opening credits so that it can spring it's ensemble cast on you gradually; an unusual tactic that pays off in spades.

Hey kids, it's Hugh Jackman, how no one expected/wanted to see him.

The premise is quirky, the script is hilarious and the stakes are....  well, not exactly high which makes the insanity that much funnier.  Despite these amazing traits, the most enjoyable thing about all this is seeing these actors play against type:  Garner plays a genuinely scary bitch, Jackman plays a dirtbag idiot, and Wilde plays a stripper with absolutely no tact; but it's Corddry's role as a genuinely nice/supportive foster parent that was most surprising and refreshing.  It's good to see that he can play outside of his usual crass asshole character, let alone do it so well.  All these characters are used beautifully and play off each other very well.

The dynamic duo of a street smart 10 year old girl and a street smarter stripper.  

Would someone get them away from those knives please!!!!

Butter has a lot of things going for it, not the least of which is the fact that it's currently streaming on Netflix.  If you like your comedy dark, there is no reason why you shouldn't watch this!

I won't spoil it, but Garner's idea of appropriate sculpting is somewhat disturbing....

JURASSIC PARK 3D micro review

20 years ago, at the tender age of 11, I saw a movie that blew my little preteen mind into a thousand pieces;  Jurassic Park.  Little did I realize at the time just how much this movie would change my life; it somehow managed to turn my childhood love (some would call it an obsession) with dinosaurs into a lifelong love (also potentially classified as obsession) with filmmaking.  When i found out that this landmark film was being re-released in 3D IMAX, it jumped to the top of my "must see" list.  But how does this 20 year old blockbuster, one of the first big forays into CGI, hold up in today's much more jaded, cynical environment?  Spoiler:  it still kicks unholy amounts of ass.

And thankfully we've all had time to forget the disappointing sequels...

3D re-releases are all the rage these days with the likes of The Lion King, Monsters Inc and Star Wars Episode 1 leading the charge.  But one thing those films all have in common is, they're either animated or majority CGI.  Sure, Titanic 3D turned out really well, but the conversion process was supervised by James Cameron himself; if anybody was bound to get it right it was him (probably because whips his staff for getting it wrong).  Thankfully, Jurassic Park's conversion turned out beautifully......  for the most part.

Picture:  Cameron's "I'm disappointed with you" face.  

Do not disappoint James Cameron!

The 3D here is mostly subtle, creating depth rather than popping things out at the viewer.  Sometimes it's used the same way focus is used in 2D films; to draw your attention to something important.  This will inevitably lead to you noticing things you'd overlooked before and the level of work that went into this kind of detail is staggering.  Any fear of this being some outsourced, hack job conversion go out the window pretty quickly, not surprising since it was Spielberg himself who oversaw the process.  He knew exactly what he wanted to express emotionally with his film and uses the 3D to enhance it rather than just dazzle you.

Pictured:  Spielberg's "I'm disappointed with you" face.  

Not a good idea to disappoint him either....

Despite the amazing attention to detail, it's obvious that some scenes received more attention than others.  A lot of the slower scenes in the first act don't seem quite as carefully converted as the rest of the film and when you try to explore outside the depth of the 3D, it kind of falls apart (and trust me, don't turn your head while watching this).  This might also be due to the fact that 3D is a much different animal from 2D.  The rules for lenses, editing, cinematography and focal length all change when you move into the third dimension so it's not surprising that film like Jurassic Park has its occasional quirks.  I will say this, when this movie is on, it's on like Donkey Kong.  Once the meat of the action picks up, the 3D will pull you deeper into the film than ever before and ramp up the already intense scenes; the scene where the T-Rex attacks the two jeeps during the storm is absolutely stunning and well worth the (admittedly steep) price of admission.

T-Rex clearly doesn't understand the concept of PERSONAL SPACE!

I think what impressed me the most about Jurassic Park was that, even after 20 years, it could still give me chills.  It was a film made in a more innocent time, and sometimes that innocence works against it; other times it's refreshing to see such an unpretentious blockbuster (the lack of lame pop culture references also helps make this movie timeless).  I can only imagine how 11-year-old me would have been blown away by seeing this in 3D, but 31 year old me was still affected by the experience.  Jurassic Park is still a spectacular film and the kind of experience that sticks with you.  If you consider yourself a fan of this film (or the bygone Spielberg era) then go see this sooner rather than later.  This weekend might be your last chance to see Jurassic Park in theaters until it's released 20 years from now in smello-vision.

EPIC!!!

GI JOE: RETALIATION micro review

Four years ago, a war was waged--between the internet fanboy community and GI JOE: Rise of Cobra.  This was no half-assed scuffle, it was a violent battle where the fanboys took it upon themselves to make damn sure this movie was a failure and everyone involved be made to suffer for it before the film had even started shooting.  This resulted in hateful petitions, prerelease boycotts and even a well spread rumor that test audiences gave the film the lowest score in the history of test audience scores; you'd think the fanboy community found out Rise of Cobra was secretly banging its mom and wanted it to move out of the basement.  Somehow, despite the nerd rage, Rise of Cobra was a big hit which guaranteed a sequel.  But how do you make a sequel to a successful film that so many people hated?

Tremble in fear Hollywood, you have incurred the wrath of poonquestor87!  

Your destruction shall be slow and merciless.

This film should have been called GI JOE: Fanboy Appeasement.  At every turn, this it feels like a direct response to all the things that nerds bitched about 4 years ago:  outlandish sci-fi elements=gone, original cast=killed off in the first ten minutes, mouth molded on snake eyes' ninja mask=removed (seriously, this was a problem).  But like so many other instances of fanboy appeasement (Spiderman 3 comes to mind), this does more harm than good.

SEE FANBOYS!  NO MOUTH!  ARE YOU HAPPY?  

One of the biggest disadvantages to killing off your entire cast and starting fresh is, you have a whole new group of characters to introduce and develop; that's what origin stories are for, i.e. the first movie in a series.  As awesome as The Rock is in the lead role (he was actually supposed to do a cameo in the first film), too much time is wasted distancing this film from the tone and characters of its predecessor to really stand on its own.  All the characters (even the few returning ones) feel very underdeveloped and just aren't memorable.  Even if the characters from the first film weren't well liked, at least they were all developed and, dare i say, entertaining to watch.

Though the new cast is not without its charms....

Resetting you whole cast also leaves less time to develop the story.  More often than not, the characters have to spout longwinded exposition (usually by the RZA's blind master) to compensate for things the movie doesn't have time to show.  The overall story feels like two different movies (a decent military story and an awesome ninja story) that eventually combine into one by the end.  This film is a collection of sometimes brilliant scenes that just aren't held together very well.  On the plus side, most of the action is quite good and there's a CLIFFSIDE NINJA FIGHT SCENE as the film's centerpiece, so it's far from a total wash.

Badass ninja epic with amazing fights and outlandish costumes and sets....

TAKE MY MONEY NOW!!!

I have a confession to make, I enjoyed GI JOE:  RISE OF COBRA.  It was a big, dumb yet immensely fun time at the movies with the kind of outlandish sci fi and action elements that helped it stand out from the crowd.  Now that I've destroyed my credibility, I'll give my final verdict.  GI JOE: RETALIATION isn't a bad film, but in trying to please the nerds it's compromised its own potential.  With the exception of The Rock (seriously, this guy was born to be a JOE) and the awesome Ninja story (which deserved its own film), Retaliation was pretty disappointing.  It's difficult to recommend this one, especially with so many other amazing looking films on the horizon.  If you're looking for a fun action movie (and you've already seen OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN), then this one might be worth a matinee; but in a few short weeks, there will be too many better options to recommend it.  Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.....

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OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN micro review

Back in the 90s (a magical decade of presidential sex scandals, cheesy boy bands and the unexpected resurgence of the 70s) there was a little movie called Air Force One.  It was Die Hard on an airplane starring the President of the United States and he was a total badass; but those were back in the days when our President could get away with banging interns under his desk.  Fast forward to the present day and the President can't even get away with sneaking a smoke on the White House's back patio; things have changed a lot.  Now the president is filling the role of damsel in distress in the new film Olympus Has Fallen.

Pictured:  everybody else falling....

No longer is the President a badass ex military pilot, but a stressed out widower who kinda regrets even becoming president in the first place.  Filling the role of his white knight is disgraced secret service agent Mike Banning, a man who sucks at most aspects of life that don't involve killing terrorists and assembling firearms blindfolded.  As luck would have it, North Korean terrorists have invaded the White House and are holding the President and his staff hostage; cue badass guitar riff as Banning weaponizes the nearest stapler and lunges into battle.

While making a face like this.

Olympus Has Fallen is the epitome of Die Hard clone with a bit of Under Siege sprinkled on top for added flavor.  There was a time when this kind of thing would be frowned upon (like when EVERYONE was making Die Hard clones) but in the current action movie environment when an actual Die Hard sequel can't even live up to the average Die Hard clone, it's downright refreshing.  The premise is absolutely ridiculous, but the movie plays it so straight you can't help but be engaged by the amazing action it produces.  One thing that may have you rolling your eyes a bit is the over the top patriotism.  Now i'm no American apologist (far from it) but this movie has a serious hard on for the American flag; Olympus Has Fallen never wastes an opportunity to flash you it's red, white, and blue like it's drunkenly hitting on you at the bar.....  but that's also half the fun (and a potential drinking game).

Seriously, it's like Girls Gone Wild with the American flag!

Simply put, this movie is ridiculous yet gleefully oblivious to it (making it even more ridiculous).  It's not brain food, and if you find yourself disgusted by your home nation this movie will do nothing but mock you for two hours; but Olympus Has Fallen is a surprisingly entertaining action flick with a great cast and a sense of fun that's lacking from a lot of today's movies (at times, you'd swear this was written 15 years ago).  If you love action movies, cool explosions, and 'MERICA then this is your kind of movie!

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HITMAN: ABSOLUTION micro review (final)

I've already talked your ear off about how Hitman: Absolution stands on its own, but now it's time to get to the important stuff...  like how it stands up to the rest of the series.  I'm gonna be comparing this one to Hitman 4 (Blood Money).  I really can't speak for the first game (Agent 47) as i never played it, number 2 (Silent Assassin) may have been my introduction but it has not aged gracefully and Hitman 3 (Contracts) somehow made creative assassination so boring that i was forced to drop a piano on it after just 3 levels.  So let's keep moving....

....  You heard me, move it!

Looks aren't everything but damn Absolution is a sexy bitch.  The environments feel truly alive and i dare you not to be at least a little stunned the first time you walk through the Chinatown level.  The environments are densely packed with little details around every corner; the trade off is that they are considerably smaller than Blood Money's.  Since most of the missions are broken up into smaller pieces instead of one big bite, you'll be doing less in smaller environments even if it looks stunning while you're doing it.

Lookin damn good.

As far as freedom is concerned, Absolution is probably the most prudish game in the series.  The previous games would let you choose your weapons, drop you into a biggish environment and say "GO"!  From that point on you were free to do whatever you wanted so long as your target ended up deader than you.  Absolution gets a little carried away adhering to it's story and forces you into escape and infiltration levels (sometimes you don't even get to kill anyone).  The latitude the previous games gave you set the series apart from uptight squares like Splinter Cell (seriously Splinter Cell, you'll make someone very happy someday...  just not me) and now the series is starting to play like every other modern AAA title....

Splinter Cell, it's not you, it's me.....  no wait, it's definitely you.  

Stop expecting me to change my mind, you're boring!

....Which isn't always a bad thing.  Somewhere along the line, Hitman learned about fancy new things like cover systems, over the shoulder gunplay and melee combat just to name a few.  Where previous games felt restrictive and (dare i say) awkward in what 47 was physically capable of, this game feels like you can take on the world.  Sure it's a little overpowering now that you're as deadly as a legendary assassin is supposed to be but the game's (shockingly logical) scoring system helps keep you in check.

And doing stuff like this NEVER gets old.

Last but not least, I need to talk about the ending (don't worry, no spoilers).  Absolution's final level....  kinda sucks; it's just more of the same from the previous 19 levels and while the story comes to a satisfying conclusion, you don't feel the rush a finale should bring.  Blood Money ended with a truly cathartic bloodbath where you finally got to let loose on your nemesis and 20 of his closest, heavily armed friends (at your character's funeral no less).  This violent set piece required you to use all the skills you've honed while playing the game and let you stop being subtle and start getting deadly; by comparison, Absolution's finale just lacks punch.

And if there's one thing 47 should be good at, it's going out with a bang.

Don't get me wrong, Hitman: Absolution is a very good game and I thoroughly enjoyed it....  but it has big shoes to fill (though i'll admit, my inner fanboy may have gotten out of it's cage for a moment).  Absolution is not really an evolution for the series; it doesn't do a whole lot that's innovative or truly push the series forward in any way except narrative.  If anything, it just brings Hitman into the modern era of video games and all that comes along with it, good and bad.  This is definitely worth checking out, but longtime fans will still revere Blood Money as the pinnacle of the series.